When it came time to title my album, ‘Deliverer’ was one of the options I considered. It’s because this song is the culmination of my experiences over the last twelve years. Although I’ve been a Christian most of my life (I gave my life to Jesus when I was 5 years old) I encountered God in a way I had never known before. It is difficult to explain but what ensued after that encounter with Him was radical transformation. While my upbringing was Christian, my life was severely troubled. In fact, believe it or not, but my name, Loulita, means sorrows. Oh my… how my life has been full of them. I loved God sincerely but I could not seem to get free from the oppression I was under. And the more I tried to get free, the more I seemed to dig a pit that I was falling deeply into. I struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts. I did not possess an ounce of mental health. Emotionally, I was a mess. I think I was probably stuck emotionally at traumatic events from my past and it only got worse with time.

As a result of this, I was looking for love and affirmation in all the wrong places. When I say wrong places, I actually mean toxic relationships. I even ended up in a cult for about 3 years. Yes, a cult led by a man who demonically controlled, abused and manipulated his followers. But that is another story for another time… In any case, my view of God was that of an oppressive, angry, impatient, distant and punishing father. I sometimes wonder how it is that I could love him so dearly when I had such a warped view of him? Maybe it was because I was trying desperately to please Him when deep inside I believed I never could.

One of the things I love about God is that when you cry out to Him, He always hears. He may not answer when you want Him to, but He is always listening. It was 12 years ago that God sent me help in an amazing way. He aligned me with believers who began to teach me about the Heavenly Father and His unconditional, unwavering and matchless love for me. For the first time in my life I began to understand what it meant to be truly valued. I began to understand the price that was paid for my freedom and I understood that Jesus was my ultimate deliverer. As a result, I started to heal and grow strong in my faith. I was filled with the Holy Spirit in a completely new way and seriously, everything changed… from what I was listening to, watching, reading, who I was hanging around with, the works…! In my experience, believers often try to transform others from the outside in, but the only effective transformation comes from the Holy Spirit. I would often complain to my friends that I wasn’t changing quick enough and they would always remind me that transformation is a work of the Spirit… and He won’t be rushed! Some people call transformation effortless and I can understand that because really, we don’t have much to do with it other than basically making ourselves available to the One who does the work.

Anyway, the reason I wrote Deliverer is because I knew I had a load of songs that I wanted to include on my album that spoke about my spiritual awakening, but I wanted to write a song that really magnified what God had done. Truthfully, I don’t think Deliverer took me more than 30 minutes to an hour to write. It was definitely inspired. Even when I read the lyrics now I can’t believe I penned them. The funny thing is that I didn’t think it would be that popular (I wish I had one of those hide-my-face emojis to use right now). But every time someone hears the song, they rave about it. He is truly my Deliverer and of course, His deliverance is on going in my life. I haven’t arrived yet, but I’m certainly getting closer!

Article originally published on A Step Forward.

Loulita GillComment