Sailing

If I have to say so myself ‘Sailing’ is a really beautiful song. It is a story of return and centres around the experiences of a prodigal that has been eluded by what seems to be pleasurable, only to find that everything leaves him or her feeling empty. The result is a longing for home and a need to belong. In my view and experience, there is no ‘home’ outside of God’s loving presence.

I remember a time in my life where I had lots of titles (leader of this, leader of that) but I was as empty. I was not fulfilling the God-given dreams burning in my heart and I believe it’s because I was not yet ‘home’. While I was so busy in service and doing and helping, I had not yet received the understanding that without being at home in God’s presence, all those things were meaningless. It reminds me of my three boys… there is nothing that they can do to make them my children. If they tried to do something to make them a Gill, I would think their behaviour was pretty odd. Can you imagine my eldest washing dishes so that he could be accepted as part of the family? One day he will wash dishes (I say this with great faith) because he is already part of the family, not because he is trying to get into the family.

When I began my 12-year journey, one of the things I was challenged to do was lay everything down. I gave up being in charge of the worship team. I stopped teaching in Bible School. I left the graphic’s department. I no longer wanted any kind of position or title. Why? Because my Heavenly Father simply wanted me to learn to be His daughter, and to learn that it was not what I did that made me who I was – loved and valued! It was who I was becoming that would overflow into everything He was ultimately calling me to do.

It was a really crazy season and from the outside, I looked like I was seriously losing my mind. Why would I give up all that position for… nothing? Well, I wasn’t giving it up for nothing; I was giving it up for everything. I knew the season of being out of the limelight wasn’t going to last forever but it was a vital necessity. And do you know it was in this period of time that I actually started to fulfil my God-given dreams. I married my darling, started my graphic design business, became a mum (massive dream come true), worked as an administrator in a church, and started a Master’s degree in Practical Theology with Mattersey Hall Bible College. I had always desired to do a degree and wanted to be better equipped to serve the body of Christ. In my last year of University, I had another baby (I definitely don’t recommend you do it this way) and finally finished my dissertation when he was just 6 months old. In November 2015, I graduated with my Masters from the University of Chester and all I can say is that God is faithful.

For me, my dreams came true when I sailed home to the One to whom I belong. It is not fulfilling God’s dreams for your life that will make you valuable to Him. You are already valuable to Him because you are His one-of-a-kind creation. There is no one like you and no one can ever replace you. He made you to love you. 

When I listen to ‘Sailing’ now, it always reminds me that I don’t do what I do today to be accepted; I do what I do because I am already accepted. I have sailed home.

Article originally published at A Step Forward.

Loulita GillComment